Randi's Reality

Hello Free World! First, I'd like to personally thank Shauna for the lovely card and words of encouragement (& the smell good) that mean a lot to me.

Also, I'd like to re-introduce myself. My name is Kelly - formerly known as "Anonymous". I decided to come out of my shell - a little! Well, tomorrow is my first court date - if Hurricane Gustav hasn't delayed it. And I'm already getting nervous. But instead of allowing it to consume me - I've been praying and praying some more.

Since this is my first (and last) encounter with the justice system, I'm not sure what to expect. But I have faith in God, and know his will is what will be done. I also want to thank all of my family and friends who have given me love and support during this ordeal. I'll never be able to express my appreciation fully.

I read Randi's draft for the blog - and she has touched on a lot of our "way of living."

As a nurse of 18 years, I felt the need to address the "medical" stuff here. We have a few nurses who seem to genuinely care about our well-being. And then there are the others. I personally had 2 experiences I would like to share.

The first experience was with my initial "physical" where the doctor asked me a couple of questions and listened to my lungs - that's it - when I told him I was experiencing wheezing when I exhaled and had pain between my shoulder blades - he told me: "We'll keep and eye on that." - that was the first week that I got here - and haven't been called back to medical since. And because they charge you $5 to go to medical and $5 for medication (I guess my Blue Cross/Blue Shield won't cover this charge) , I haven't pushed the issue yet.

The second experience is when one of the nurses was dispensing medication to the dorm (which they do through our rusted meal slot that they pass our trays to us at "chow time"). I waited patiently in line so I could ask her a question, when I reached the slot - you have to bed over to talk through - because it is almost knee level. I asked my question then stood up and looked at her through the window - waiting for her response - she held up her index finger, pierced her lips - and told me - in the most unfriendly of ways - "You will have to wait a minute" - which I didn't have a problem with - what bothered me was the look in her eyes. Those eyes - like there was hatred and disgust for me. Just for the simple fact that - at the present time - I am just another inmate to some of the staff.

It appalled me - and hurt me deeply. And also - opened my eyes to the fact that:

Only God truly knows me. Only God loves me completely and unconditionally.

So - I smiled at the nurse and told her never mind. And returned to my bunk. And prayed for her. The next day - I was blessed to see that she was not on duty - and I was able to get my question answered by another nurse.

As far as the hurricane - WOW! No mail for a week. Phones going crazy. But no (or minimal) visual of what this city really went through. What we noticed the most here was the change in food - for the better!!!!

We got about 4 oz of apple juice one day. (1st time and probably the last). We sipped and savored - and tried to make it last as long as we could. Hamburgers. Real apple and orange slices - first fresh fruit since I've been here. 2 large broccoli spears with a slice of melted cheese - yum! Fried chicken twice! Mac & Cheese - and so on...

Someone said it was probably donated from area schools so it wouldn't spoil. Oh yeah - and real slices of bread - we were (and are) thankful of the temporary change in cuisine! (There are small blessings in every situation!)

Well, I guess I will close this - again - thank you for this opportunity to reach the real world and God Bless!

Kelly Howard (formerly known as Anonymous)

P.S. I miss my mom..... & my pillows!!!!