Randi's Reality

My name is Carolyn Karras. I want to tell about myself. What kind of person I truly am and what I've been through in life. When I was younger, I lost my mom and 2 aunts to a single car crash that killed them. So all I had was my 2 brothers and my dad. I started school but dropped out at age 15. When I was 17, I married a great man. He was 27 years old at the time. We had two beautiful girls together. We went through many good times and bad. He got sick and later died at the age of 42. This was in 1993. At that time, things in my life started to go downhill. I was 32 years old and I started drinking.

After recieving my 3rd DWI - I quit driving but I still continued to drink. I never did get my DL back. But I truly am thankful for this because I had such a bad drinking problem. I drank to kill the pain and hurt I had half my life after my mother's death and from the pain my husband caused from the abuse when he was alive. When I would get close to someone and start to trust them, it would end in abuse. And this hurt in so many ways. So I would eventually leave and continue to drink.

My 2 daughters are grown up now. My drinking has hurt them and they wont even see me because I was always drunk. They wont see me until I get help and treatment and show I can stay clean and live right in life.

I am very proud of my daughters and I miss them very much. I want so much better for them in life than what I had. they deserve so much butter. I thank God every day that my girls have everything in life now. I will always be there for them no matter what! I will never stop loving them. Nothing could ever change my love or my concern for them! And i miss them. I pray for them every day.

I have always been a church-going person. And I was sober. That was before my husband died. But now, more than ever, my faith and love in Jesus Christ is most important in my life.

Now I am in trouble and in jail again. And it is harder than ever when I dont have anyone on the outside who can help me. It truly hurts when my "friends" show no attempt to help or care for me. My father is going through some hard times so he can help either.

The only thing I do know is that my Lord Jesus cares and loves me and by his glory I will get through this.

It is very difficult for me to get any personal things because you have to have money to get it in here. I pray to God every day that God can put someone special in my life who I can trust and say is a true friend that sincerely cares about me.

I've been in jail since July 20th, 2008. I had just gotten out just 3 weeks before sitting in here for 120 days. Maybe I was put back in here for a reason. Because I am truly wanting to get my life back on the right track. I want more than anything to be clean and sober. And back involved in the church. Living right. For the Lord Jesus has saved my life so mnay times from death, I am thankful for everything he has done for me.

See, I am 47 years old and now, being in jail, I realize that I have nothing but my faith in the Lord. I have no home. I have no clothes. No job. But I do not worry because I trust in the Lord and he will provide for me.

I know I can t do this on my own. I am crying out for help. Begging for help.

I truly hope that my daughters will read this because I need their encouragement and support right now. I am ready to be their mother again. I know I will stay sober because I want to be close to my children and my grandchildren. And I will do wahtever it takes to have them back in my life.

I pray that my daughters can find it in their hearts to forgive me and to keep loving me as their mom. I will always care and love them no matter what the case. I pray that they forgive me for drinking all these years. And I pray that when they do forgive me that I will have many more years to spend with my family. I dont want to be alone. I would love to recieve a letter while I am here to know that someone cares about me.

Being in this dorm is tough. I clean up for some of the ladies just to buy soap and a pen to write with. It is not easy but it is the only way I can get the things that I need with no money.

I am thankful for my bunkie above me (Randi). She is very special and has been such a blessing in so many ways. And a friend that I can talk to and she always helps me when I've asked.

Please pray for me and my family. I will be here until my court date on October 6th, 2008. I look forward to the day I will be able to be happy again. And work, and get my own home again. I know that I dont want to come back to jail again. And I know the only way to stay out of here is to stay sober and live my life right. May the Lord Jesus bless you all.

Carolyn