August 9th, 2008
I have never enjoyed sitting in the sun as much as I do right now. When I walked outside, the first thought in my mind was "Where are my Gucci Sunglasses?"
But shortly after adjusting my eyes, I realize that I dont want to shade my eyes from the only sunshine that I get to enjoy all week long. This is my 3rd Saturday morning that I am spending in our small rec-yard with a basketball hoop (no net) and a small patch of grass, surrounded by tall wired fences with spiral barbed wire at the top. Even with the loud roar of the air conditioner units and the parking lot full of police cars, we sit out here in the sund and sing loudly to the song on the radio...
"Is there hope for every man?
A solid place where we can stand...
In this dry and weary land
Is there hope for every man?
Is there love that never dies
Is there peace in trouble times?
Jesus help us understand..
Is there hope for every man?"
Right now I live in a Christian dorm. With other Christian women who have good hearts, hoping hearts. Women who have come here under the same circumstances as myself. And even under these circumstances, everyone's spirits are high, faces are smiling, and thoughts are focused. Focused on what God has done in our lives. What God is doing in our lives, and what God is going to do in our lives.
"Let this old life crumble, let it fade.
Let this new life offer
be your saving grace.
Let this old life crumble let it fade.
You've been living on your own feet for too long...
If you've been looking for a place where you belong...
You will find rest.
You can rest.
You will find Rest."
That is the song that they sing along to on their radios.
The Christian dorm that I live in is the only women's dorm here at West Baton Rouge Detention Center.
Housed in this room with me are 35 other criminals. Every one of us has our own different story. And although our lifestyles varied before we came here, it all came down to one thing:
We were all living ungodly lives.
We all knew that what we were doing was wrong.
And not one of us would have realized it and changed our way of life if we werent put in here.
Now we all share a different view of life. We all have one thing in common:
We want to better ourselves, get our mind right - so that when we do leave this place we are prepared to face the world and all it has to offer. We dont want to ever come back to this place.
For some of us, it is not time to leave yet. We still have a lot to learn, and a lot of searching to find our purpose before it is safe for us to be back in the real world. We are here for a reason. Everything happens for a reason. And right now what we are supposed to do is WAIT.
Wait for what?
That is not for us to know right now.
"Be still and know that I am God."
We will wait for our prayers to be answered. Thats all we can do from behind these bars. Just wait.
This is our prison.
This is where we live.
This is what we have learned.
This is our Reality.
Randi
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9 comments:
So amazing... I was blessed to go to a Casting Crowns concert last Friday and all through THAT song I thought of Randi... The thought of her having Christian music has almost consumed me in the last week... what a blessing for her to have it, and an answered prayer, peace, knowing that she can sing to him! We serve an awesome God!!!!
I am so pleased to have the opportunity to read this. What an awesome savior we have, we all once was lost but now we see...
Shauna,B&N sent notice that the book was shipped to Randi today.Thank you for posting these personal letters-I know they will touch many hearts.
I am in complete AWE. I don't know why things happen the way they do - but one thing I've learned - is that there is PURPOSE in everything, every moment, every second we are here on this Earth until God calls us home.
Randi - I love you and know of your struggles. But no one can tell you they understand, nothing anyone says can make the pain you are feeling go away or the emotions you go through everyday - no one can. But, how blessed are we - to know we have a Savior who came here to this place, has been through every emotion you will have, every pain you have felt - and He understands, He knows, He knows it ALL.
What a blessing meeting these women Randi has become friends with. What a blessing their stories are - God NEVER wastes a hurt...
Some of the choices these women have made make me think- wow, that is brave, bold, scary.
Now they are having to be brave, bold, and GODLY~ in order to survive and have hope.
Praying this for Randi...
Randi- we are all pulling for you. Am I glad this happened to you? IS it bad that I say YES. Yes because God has you now and you will be totally and completely healed. And the most amazing part- the part I just can't get over? You are 100% forgiven. Isn't that cool? Clean slate. Brand New. No harm done in his eyes. That just rocks about God.
As I type I remember- you can't read this comment. I'll send you a letter. Hang tough. In Christ.
You are so fortunate to be placed with other christian women- My prayer is that all of you can provide strenth and support for each other.
Randi, I am so sorry this has happened to you. I'm completely heart broken I hoped so much that you would get away from all the madness before it was too late. I know how hard it is as you know i've been in your position and it finaly sunk in what I had to do. So I just started praying every night that something would change for me, and it did I had my awakening, and since that moment every thing has began to come together I got the help I needed I made parole seven years early and now i've restarted my life in such a great way I can't say it's easy but I know i've been blessed. I would realy love the opportunity to be a positive part of your life I am mailing you a letter in the morning and will do anything I can to help. Please feel free to ask
Randi,
I just talked to David and was telling him some of the things I've read that you've wrote and as you know him and I both have been down the similar path as you (him more so than me) but we decided together that the life we were living was just going to end badly if we kept it up so we quit...then a few months later I was pregnant! beleive me sometimes I wonder and so does David what type of life we would be living if it were'nt for Gavin...I believe he saved me/ us...although we said we were done before I got pregnant I still wonder if we would have been tempted again if it weren't for him. I think that was God's way of saving us...he has soo many ways of helping us it's amazing! One day you will have a baby and you to will understand exactly what i'm saying and that baby will be your final savior. This is just my opinion of course...we miss you out here and I am gonna start writing you letters to keep you entertained while your away. Take care girl and I too am so glad your with so many other Christians in there I know that must help!
Tammie
(aka Sugar haha not sure if you remember that but I know ASH (aka SPICE) does : )
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